after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
