Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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