I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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