I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
