hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
