You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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