I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
