What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
