I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
