Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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