just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Enjoy the penises
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