He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
