At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
