does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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