Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
