It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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