so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
