You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
