I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
