Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
