Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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