i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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