I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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