The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
