Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
