alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We need a shit load of segways right now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
