I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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