Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
