There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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