I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
