He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
