so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
