So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
