I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
