Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
