His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
