I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
