Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I puked a lego.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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