I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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