I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I need help removing her.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
