Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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