do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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