i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
