someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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