and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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