I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
