just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
