forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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