Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
