i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
